Longinglogue
by Kyui
Summary: When the world seems to have abandoned you, what do you do? Kagamine Rin is a deaf girl, with an aspiring musician twin brother, leading two lives straying away from each other. What make this 14 year-old's log of dreams, feelings, thoughts and longings?
1. Prologue

_This story is the base for a song I'm composing at the moment. And there's no guarantee it'll end up sounding/being sung by the vocaloids mentioned in this story for the simple reason that I do not have the 15000 yen for the programme. :] –Yuki_

_**Disclaimer obviously I do not own vocaloid… characters here are property of Crypton, and any lyrics apart from my own go to the credit of their original composers.**_

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**Prologue**

The concert hall was still, the lights dimmed and a spotlight lit up in centre stage. The chatter in the audience died down, eventually reaching absolute silence as they waited for the recital to begin.

A boy, probably 14, 15 years old, walked onstage, dressed neatly in a black suit and yellow tie. The light reflected off his golden hair, blue eyes gleaming, and the polished brown violin that he held in his hands.

With all attention focused on boy and violin, Len Kagamine hoisted the violin to his shoulder, and let sound flood the silenced hall.

**Rin POV**

Len is playing now… He's really happy out there. Hah… he loves music, and he loves playing too.

I wish I could share his passion too.

But I can't.

Because Kagamine Rin is a deaf girl. Ironic huh? Kagamine means 'mirror sound', but here, the twin brother is a music prodigy, while the twin sister is cannot hear. The irony is overwhelming.

Watching Len play… How can heaven be so cruel? He loves it so much, his soul is intertwined with the melody, whatever it is, yet I cannot share. It's just so tempting, I stand so close, just behind the stage curtains, while Len's just… there. Music is flooding the hallway, like a smooth river, but I'm blind to it, the sound is beyond me, it floods the place so.

A drop of sweat falls from his brow, he's playing so enthusiastically, I don't think he even notices. I wish I could run out there and wipe his sweat off. Because that's what I do at home, when he practices. But still, it's good to know that he's happy, that he can enjoy his passion so.

_As long as Len is happy, I am too. _I smile quietly to myself. _As long as he can do what he loves, I can share his joy too._

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Ah… sorry it's so short… it's just the prologue, and I have to rush for my art lesson. So what happens next? More stuff will happen, and it's just poor Rin who has to deal with it. Shining Ray and maybe some Kokoro in the next chapter :D Review please? :] -Yuki


	2. Chapter 1: BeforeSchool Evening

_Okkkks here comes the 2__nd__ chapter :D I'll probably upload like, 2 chapters a day or something when I steal the computer XD oh yeah, and if I some pretty weird characters, it's probably because I don't know a lot of vocaloids/utualoids and I just threw them in. Guys, please help me? _

_Oh, by the way, in case you're wondering how Rin can tell what people are saying, she can read lips pretty well. –Yuki :]_

_**DISCLAIMER obviously I do not own vocaloid… characters here are property of Crypton, and any lyrics apart from my own go to the credit of their original composers.**_

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Rin POV

"Phew, that was exhausting. I was so nervous! But I think I did ok, what do you guys think?" Len laughed as he fell onto the red sofa. He's changed, now he's wearing more comfortable things, a blue hoodie and black shorts. I lift his feet up and sit down, putting them on my lap.

"It was good, Len, but you still need to do your homework. Don't think you can slack off so easily! Hahaha!" Dad tells Len. "Yes, listen to your father, Len, it's only Wednesday, you have to go to school tomorrow, you too Rin." Mum settles on the armchair next to us, elegant as ever, long pink hair cascading in waves.

"Fine…" I sign with my fingers the same time as Len sulks, both of us pouting.

Dad phone is vibrating. He picks it up and says something into it. His face contorts into worry, apparently, there's something urgent at the company. I guess that means they have to rush for some last-minute meeting or something. This kind of thing is almost routine in our family. I look at Len lying on the cushions and we both shrug. Big deal.

"Ok, thanks Rinny and Lenny. We're not so sure when we'll be back, but you guys better finish your homework ok? You can call out for food or something. We'll have dinner outside." Mum and Dad tell us and rush out the door. I look out at Mum's pink head and Dad's purple head as they leave the door. Mum's loooong pink hair and Dad's even longer (O.o) purple hair.

"Whatcha want to eat?" I sign, stomach rumbling.

"Thanks, Rin, that's what I was thinking." Len grinned at me. "I'm not in the mood to call out. How about we just make some sandwiches?"

Len's smile is like the sun. It's bright and lights up your life. And it gives me a warm feeling all over. At the same time, he compares me to the moon, he says it's still bright, and you can gaze at it in the dark night. It's almost the same as the sun, but not quite. Haha, Len the flirt. That's what the girls at school call him, my thoughts turn to the leader of his fan club. Teal hair. Lots and lots of it. I nod and we trot to the kitchen to get our food.

Too lazy to bother cooking, we just pick some ham and veggies out of the fridge, put on some condiments in the loaves, and stick it in oven. Five minutes later, we're sitting on bar stools at the kitchen counter, eating toasted sandwiches and drinking milkshakes.

School tomorrow. *sigh* Looks like we better finish our homework and prepare for school.

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Another sucky chapter. D: in the next one, we'll have Len's fan club. And some very questionable _twincest. How does Rin feel about her brother and another girl getting together. Jealousy? Curiosity? Hmm… Oh, and in case you never realized, their parents are Luka and Gakupo. Well, duh. XD Review? Much appreciated :] -Yuki_


	3. Chapter 2: I like you I love you

_Yay another chapter finished :D probably the longest one yet, its almost equal to the 1st chapter and the prologue together :D this one contains a lot of Rin's 'I like you, I love you" Watch it! It's cute. :D -Yuki_

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Rin POV

In a place like the school, it is impossible for me to know if anyone is calling me. All I know comes from what I see, what I feel, and what I can smell. In a crowd, no one can hear me. I am invisible.

To help me live somewhat normally and easily, I have permission from the school to use this funny translator thing that reads aloud whatever I type into it. Like this, teachers and other students don't need to bother learning sign language or anything. I hate using it because it isn't convenient, which is why I don't use it at home, but otherwise, I have it with me most of the time. This is how I manage to survive in a normal school.

At the moment, Len and I are sitting in the classroom waiting for the bell. Len is talking to his circle of friends; next to him are his three best friends, Akaito, Ted and Sho.

Akaito is a generally nice person, he's a bit mischievous, but very gentlemanly, the complete opposite of Sho.

Ted is the quiet one, the teachers' dream student. He's smart, doesn't cause trouble, and he has looks too. A LOT, I repeat, A LOT of girls literally fall in love at first site, but it doesn't affect me, so, haha, Ted is very considerate and often gets the rest of us out of trouble. Neru, my best friend, tells me that his ranking in the girls' list of most desirable guys is 3rd, haha.

Lastly, there's Sho. He's very playboyish and has spikey white-blonde hair with a black streak on one side. I don't know how many girlfriends he has had this year, but most, if not all, of them end up crying. Strangely, his twin sister, Hane, my other best friend, has black hair with a white-blonde streak on the opposite side. Hmm…

Len and Sho the detention buddies get into trouble a lot and it's mostly up to Akaito and Ted to get them out of it. The four of them formed a band, you know? Sho's the drummer, Ted's the singer, Akaito plays bass while Len plays the guitar.

Someone taps me on the shoulder. I turn around and I see Teto, one of my two best friends smiling at me, her pink chocolate roll ponytails bouncing up and down in excitement. It is a bit hard to believe that she's Ted's twin sister. The difference in height is really… great. But they both share the same red-brown eyes and curly pink hair.

"Hey did you hear what Hatsune Miku is going to confess today?"

Curious, I cock my head. Confess? The captain of Len's fanclub… wait, WHAT?

Thinking again, it wasn't exactly unexpected. This was going to happen sooner or later anyway. It was… natural.

I shrug and write on a piece of paper and showed it to her: "None of my business. :/"

_**Recess**_

I guess the fangirls are hiding somewhere at the meeting point, confession point, whatever, watching the confession. Oh well, I can't be bothered. Let her confess. I'm sitting behind a bush eating oranges and getting some air. It's stuffy in the classroom and it's a cool day.

_I'm curious. Will Len accept?_

I feel my face burn as I flush a scarlet shade. Get that thought out of head this instant! I…I shouldn't, CANNOT, harness these kind of feelings to my OWN TWIN BROTHER. Much less… I… I can't share his passion… I'm just… an odd one out.

What else can I do but smile? It's probably the only thing I can do. I can't talk, can't comfort him, can't give him advice…NOTHING. I'm like a by-stander. It feels like I'm watching him through a glass wall. I can see him, he can see me, but we can't touch each other…

I wish I could hear. I wish I had all the five senses everyone else has. Why must I be the odd one out? Why am I the oddity, the alien?

I feel the bush behind me tickling my back and I turn to see what is there. Hane's head pops out and her brown and black eyes stare straight at me. She puts her finger to her lips and pulls me into the bush. In shock, I glare at her amid leaves and branches, what the heck was she doing in the bush in the first place?

"They're coming! Keep still!" Hane mouths at me.

What? Who's coming?

"Miku and Len! Quiet!" She mouths at me again.

Aw man… Don't tell me I ended up right where I didn't want to be…

I peek out among the leaves just in time to see Len strolling to the tree near the bush. His hands tucked into his pockets, he leaned against the tree. Right behind him was Miku, her long teal hair flowing in the gentle breeze.

"_Ne…ne...ne… sukoshi dake… ne… sukoshi de ii_…?"

"Hm? What's up?"

"_Etto… dou shiyou ka…? Gome ne… tsuduka nai ne…_"

"No… it's ok... erm…"

"_Ano ne, jitsuha ne…"_

"Yeah… well… er…"

"_Ano ne, tokorode, toutotsu da kedo…"_

"Erm, no nono… what… what do you want to er, say?"

"Len-san, erm, no, Len-kun, I… I…_kimochi tsutae ta iyo anata ni… ano… ano… ne… susu… susu… susu… suki, DAISUKI!" _Miku's face flushed bright red and she covered her mouth in shock at what she just said.

Len looks at her.

_Decline her! _My eyes widen at what I just thought, but secretly, I DO want him to recline her… I… I don't know why either, but…

"I like you too…" Len reaches out and pulls Miku to his chest, embracing her. His back is turned to me, but I can tell that he is saying that he has always liked her. Miku's eyes widen and tears glisten around the corners. She squeezes them and starts crying, half laughing.

Len walks away with her head leaning onto his shoulder. I rub my eyes, wondering if I really just saw him saying "I like you too."

Hane shoves a piece of paper into my hands.

"Yes, Rin-chan, he just said 'I like you too.'"

A water droplet falls onto the ink, staining it. I touch the tear on my burning cheek.

_Am I jealous? Is this what they call 'Jealousy'?_

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Hehe cliff hanger :D Rinny questions her feelings for her brother O.o next chapter… might not be tomorrow XD sorry :/ I realised what I say might not be what actually happens, haha. Hane and Sho Sorane are my own characters. There's a design for them somewhere... XD -Yuki :D

_**TRANSLATIONS**__ btw, they're the direct lyrics taken from the song_

"_Ne…ne...ne… sukoshi dake… ne… sukoshi de ii…?" : "He…he…hey… just a little, hey, a little while…?"_

"_Etto… dou shiyou ka…? Gome ne… tsuduka nai ne…": "Erm… What can I do…? Sorry… I'm not very good at this…"_

"_Ano ne, jitsuha ne…": "I'm being honest, you see…"_

"_Ano ne, tokorode, toutotsu da kedo…": "See, even if it's sudden…"_

"_Kimochi tsutae ta iyo anata ni…": "I want to convey my feelings to you…"_

"_ano… ano… ne… susu… susu… susu… suki, DAISUKI!": "I... I… hey… li-li… li-li… li-li… like, I LIKE YOU!"_


	4. Chapter 4: The first Undetected

_Well we left you hanging at the last chapter, so here we go…! And yes, I know this is epik failness. I cannot write for nuts T^T. Please review... I beg of you... I need writing guidelines T^T_

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Rin POV

_Is this what they call jealousy?_

_Am I jealous?_

I can't get these questions out of my head. I keep thinking about it. I'm alone at home. Len has music practice at school. Mum and Dad are at work. I'm alone, in this great white house. I'm buried in the sofa cushions. I need to think. Think. But it's not helping.

I want a warm hand to guide me. I want somebody to be there to show me the way. I want to cry out to that person, tell that person everything. I don't want to be alone. Because I'm afraid. I'm so scared it's like I'm drowning in fear.

_Is it right to be scared?_

_What do normal people feel when this happens?_ I wish I knew how normal people think. I WANT to be normal. I don't want to be the alien.

Why can't I be just like them? Like Teto? Like Miku, Hane, Akaito…? Like_ Len_.

Like Len.

It's always been like this. Len has always been the one who deserves the attention. The centre of the spotlight. I'm just the mirror image. The one on the other side of the mirror. Exactly the same, but very different at the same time. The mirror image is the one who is always getting ignored. Until eventually the spotlight shines so brightly on the person. The admirers crowding out the ray of single light of hope shining on the abandoned and dusty mirror, the light is blocked out and the creators of the mirror, even the one being reflected, forgets about the mirror.

The light is blocked. The curtain draws. And the mirror is shrouded in darkness.

Forgotten. Hopelessness.

The tears flow faster. I feel myself sobbing into the pillow.

I wish Len was the only one. I wish I could disappear. Fade into nothingness.

I feel my head throb and I close my eyes. The darkness envelopes me, and I fall into a burning, numb void.

**Len POV**

I am walking home. Thinking about today's events.

_I like you too._

I shake my head and my face burns red in embarrassment.

Finally I am home. I put the key in the lock and open the door. The first thing I see is Rin, asleep on the sofa. Smiling gently to myself, I lean over the sofa and shift her hands into a more comfortable position. Her sweaty face is so cute… Her blonde hair framing her cute face… wait. SWEATY?

Instantly I bring my hand to her forehead. It's burning!

OH MAN. What the heck do I do now! She has a fricking high fever!

I shift Rin so that she is lying flat on the sofa instead, her head propped by a cushion. I rush to the kitchen and find a wet towel and a thermometer. Placing the towel on her forehead, I check her body temperature.

HOLY CRAP! 41.5 degrees celsius! O.o I have to get Rin to the hospital if her temperature's so high. Ok, I need help. I rush to the phone and call Kaito, our cousin who lived a couple of houses away. I need his driving skills right here. Right now.

Kaito…Kaitoo… pick up the phone already….!

"Hello? Shion Kaito speaking here~"

"OMFG YESS! !"

"Er… slow down, little buddy, what did you just say?"

"RIN'S UNCONSIOUS. I NEED TO GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL!" I practically screamed into the receiver.

"O.o Rinny's sick? Why didn't you say so earlier? I'm right there."

"Not…*breathe* uncon…sious… still… alive *breathe*" Rin peeked at Len through her hair plastered all over her face by sweat. "…Cold…*breathe*…"

30 minutes later, Kaito and I are sitting in the hospital waiting for the doctor to finish his diagnosis. He tells us that it's just a high fever, after some rest and medication, it should clear up. He writes up a medical certificate to excuse Rin from school. Kaito drives us home, while Rin is fast asleep at my shoulder.

Kaito carries her into her room and tucks her into bed.

"Erm… do you need me to hang around a bit? Need anything?" Kaito stood, unsure, rubbing his hands behind his head.

"Anything…"

"Er… then… I guess I'll go play a couple of games… if you need anything just call out ok?"

I nod, and drag a chair next to Rin's orange sheets. I touch her still burning cheeks.

_Rin… when I felt your cheek… it wasn't sweat, was it? Was it wet… because you were crying?_

I lean back in my seat and look around the room. Sky-blue walls… a wood paneled floor with a giant turtle shaped carpet in the middle. On the far side of the room are the windows. A single glass pane fixed on the wall. The cream curtains, with orange and green flowers, are drawn. In front of the window is her work desk. Her laptop is closed, and the desk is messy, books randomly piled on the side, The bookshelves are above and next to her desk. The ceiling is white, except for a painted section over Rin's bed. We painted it navy blue when we were 5, and stuck glow-in-the-dark stars on it.

When we were 5… before she lost her hearing.

Before we reached crossroads.

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Epik fail. This feels more like a filler. But this is going to be the first of a series of illnesses hitting Rin. I really feel like skipping everything and writing the end...

_There should be a new chapter tomorrow. I hope. :3 Miku Append is awesome :D sorry, random…_


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